The Solo Valentine (ft. Rick Ross)

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

by Shania Driggs

LOVE SUCKS

Sitting in my bedroom, I scroll through Instagram and see girls posting photos and videos of their man with bouquets of roses; they are in a nice hotel room with that song every lover girl plays, “Hrs & Hrs” by Muni Long, in the background. I mumble to myself, “Must be nice.”

It was three weeks before the much-anticipated holiday, usually for couples, known as Valentine’s Day. For the singles like me, this was just another day for us to be aware that we are single and feel like a third wheel, or just act unbothered while everyone is getting cute teddy bears and boxes of chocolates with a nice card. In the past, every Valentine’s Day either I had a guy or I’d go out with my homegirls, but this particular year was different. Even my friends had a valentine, so that really meant that I was going to be alone.

I had been single for the second year in a row. I always had someone who at least wanted to take me out, but even that didn’t feel right for me this year. I was at a point in my life where having a man’s company was starting to become an annoyance because men seem to always give the bare minimum, and I didn’t want that either. I wanted to have what the other girls’ experiences were. I was accepting that I had no plans and I was going to be alone this year for Valentine’s Day. 

NOT ANOTHER LOVE SONG

As the weeks counted down, seeing couples celebrate Valentine’s Day early and hearing my friends plan what their man was going to do for them, I started to feel sad. I felt left out because everyone had someone and I didn’t, and it made me feel like a loner. I kept telling myself, “I’ll just wait ’til I have somebody that will do nice things for me,” not even thinking I would be able to do those same nice things for myself. 

I took my frustrations about Valentine’s Day and talked about them with my therapist. I met with her every month, and we discussed anything I had on my mind or upcoming events. I told her that I did not want to sit at home and be sad like others. I wanted to go do something, but I also was not confident to go out by myself. I was scared and had so much anxiety. I always went places with people; I never had thought to go anywhere alone.

My therapist told me, “Shania, you work hard and you deserve to treat yourself. If you really want to go do something by yourself for Valentine’s Day, do so. Never wait for a man to do anything for you that you’d want to do on your own. And also, Valentine’s Day is not just for couples; it’s to express and show love to anyone, including self-love.”  

RIDIN’ SOLO NIGHT OUT

The session with my therapist had me going back and forth with the thought of taking myself out for Valentine’s Day. Days later after debating, I decided to plan myself a Valentine’s weekend staycation. I told my friends about my upcoming plan, and some were supportive. Others said things like, “Girl, you’re bold. You’re really gonna go out and be in a room alone? That’s crazy.” I didn’t care, and I continued with my plans. I booked an Airbnb in Cleveland, Ohio just one week before Valentine’s Day, and ironically, it was All-Star Weekend in Cleveland also. As scared as I was, I went through with my plans and had so much fun. Not only did I treat myself to a nice room, but I enjoyed sitting around in a silk robe with a glass of wine and took amazing pictures. 

As the day went on after I checked in, I put on something really cute and decided to go to Bonefish for dinner. I sat in my car filled with anxiety, thinking about turning around. I braced myself and went in. With my palms sweaty, I stuttered asking for a table for one, and the hostess led me to a booth. Dinner went lovely. The waitress made me feel comfortable knowing that I was alone, and before getting my check she told me, “A nice man over by the bar paid for the Martini on your bill; lucky you!” I was shocked but also pleased with that nice gesture, and it made me even more confident throughout the night. 

The night was still young, and I decided to go out to the clubs downtown. Since it was All-Star Weekend, a lot of places were buzzing with celebrities and ball players. I found a really cool club and paid the ticket to get in, and to make it even better, Rick Ross was there and he’s one of my favorite artists. After a few drinks and vibing to songs and meeting new faces at the bar, I returned to the Airbnb and reflected on my night. To experience a solo night like this, knowing how doubtful I’d been about having the courage to go, was the best feeling ever. It made me so confident to be okay with being single and not care what others may think. I learned a valuable lesson: that I can always have fun spending quality time with myself and also be brave enough to do things on my own. 

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